Origami heart

Contemporary / Modern Poetry Human Written by TheSlöhterHaus · Jun 08, 2026

Walk away from your heart ache
Sacrifice all thats at stake
The days drag you behind
Left you believing

Pack the weights on
Then you wait some
Pack away son we don't care much
'bout you're feelings

Could you be wrong
Yea, and then some
Pack away son 'cause these
Scars ain't never healing

If you stay strong
It won't be long
But the anchor in your life
Does the decieving

Suddenly there's and army now
In your head calling shots somehow
Terrifies your mind and left you reeling

Evermore as the raven said
Carry on even though you're dead
Pointless struggle, too bad you can't see it

Even numbness is a feeling

About This Poem

My mother was a narcissist and my father broke me down mentally and destroyed my confidence. I've grown up believing I'll never amount to anything and the anything I attempt will end in failure. I am always trying to bury my emotions even though I'm extremely sensitive.

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Poem Analysis

This analysis is provided as optional literary feedback. Community voting remains the primary ranking method.

Analysis Available

The poem explores themes of emotional struggle and resilience, using a conversational tone to convey the internal battle with heartache and disillusionment. While it demonstrates some strong imagery and emotional depth, the poem's structural and linguistic choices could benefit from refinement.

Strengths

The poem effectively uses repetition to emphasize emotional weight, as seen in 'Pack away son' and 'Scars ain't never healing'.
The allusion to Poe's 'The Raven' in 'Evermore as the raven said' adds a layer of literary depth and intertextuality.
The imagery of an 'army now / In your head' vividly captures the chaos of internal conflict.

Areas for Improvement

The rhyme scheme is inconsistent, which can disrupt the poem's rhythm and flow, particularly in lines like 'Sacrifice all thats at stake / The days drag you behind'.
The use of colloquial language such as 'Yea, and then some' may detract from the poem's overall tone and emotional gravity.

Imagery

The poem employs strong visual and metaphorical language to depict emotional turmoil. The 'anchor in your life' symbolizes a deceptive burden, while the 'army now / In your head' conveys a sense of mental invasion and chaos. The reference to 'Scars ain't never healing' provides a visceral image of enduring pain. However, some imagery, like 'Even numbness is a feeling', could be more vividly developed to enhance sensory engagement.

Structure

The poem lacks a consistent rhyme scheme, which can affect its musicality and coherence. It uses a loose, conversational structure, with line breaks that sometimes enhance and sometimes hinder the flow of ideas. The stanza organization is irregular, contributing to a sense of disjointedness that reflects the poem's themes but may also confuse the reader.

Language & Craft

The diction is a mix of colloquial and literary language, which can create an uneven tone. The use of phrases like 'Pack away son' adds a conversational element, while references to 'The Raven' introduce a more formal literary voice. The poem employs some alliteration and assonance, such as in 'Sacrifice all thats at stake', but these techniques are not consistently applied throughout.

Emotional Impact

The poem captures a sense of despair and resilience, resonating with readers who have experienced similar emotional struggles. Lines like 'Terrifies your mind and left you reeling' and 'Pointless struggle, too bad you can't see it' evoke a powerful sense of futility and introspection. However, the emotional impact could be heightened with more consistent language and structural choices.