Here's my story..as a Stand-out..

General Poetry Human Written by Stephanie Rice · Oct 08, 2026

The kind heart girl that everyone knows
But only in public is when the kindness shows
She's burnt out, eyes heavy, she's done with the world
Cause nobody knows truly all the problems she's compelled

Day 1, in class, she' quiet and tired
Sits there listening to the lecture for hours
By lunch, she's drained, still sits with her "friends"
The friends who won't be there for her in the end

"Do they care?" No. You know this for sure
Every time there's a favor, more pain is endured
Overworking for girls who barely notice you
And you stay with them, knowing they're using you

Day 2, music blasts, hood's up, zoned out
Then, out of nowhere, tears fall like water from a spout
No one is looking. As always, that's the truth
The little girl from your past is scared, cause she's looked at you

You let their force get to you, begging and fidgeting
But soon they'll be confused when you cut, bleeding
I'm okay. "you sure?" say yes so they're gone
They only try to feel bad so you think you belong

The threats, out of control, attention seeking, right?
But you never know who's okay, even in plain sight
There's always a threat, cause nothing is free
Can't even be comfortable in class, unable to succeed

My eyes grow heavy, lightheaded, the pain is over
Fatigue hits my body, gets stronger and stronger
I can't match your energy anymore, it pained me but doesn't matter now
You didn't seem to realize, but my heart rate slows down

Tell my friends to keep going. To laugh and have fun
While I lay in this bed, this hospital, cause my life, it's almost done
Machine that beep for my heart, slows down, breathing, a struggle
No one there for the last breath, my life, it's over

They cry, but only cause they "didn't know"
Know the signs of unstable people
Cause my heartbeat, weakens and slows
I want a second chance, let me live, like all the others. Equals.

About This Poem

I struggle with mental issues. I decided to write this poem based off of a song I used to listen to all the time when I was struggling very severely with my mental health. Since I was bullied so much in school, and was always laughed at because I had cancer at the time, I started hurting myself. I've stopped hurting myself and have found more positive coping skills, including writing poetry and listening to music, singing, and writing music. I hope someone else can relate to this poem. Since October is National Bullying Prevention Month, I don't think anyone deserves to be bullied because every year, more and more people leave this Earth sooner than they're supposed to, and it should come to a stop immediately.

How did this poem make you feel?

Community Score

9.0

out of 10

2 votes

Optional AI-generated literary feedback.

Poem Analysis

This analysis is provided as optional literary feedback. Community voting remains the primary ranking method.

Analysis Available

This poem explores the inner turmoil of a seemingly kind-hearted girl who feels unnoticed and overburdened by her peers. It captures the emotional weight of feeling isolated despite being surrounded by others, and the tragic consequences of unacknowledged mental health struggles. The poem's merit lies in its raw depiction of these themes, though it lacks some structural finesse.

Strengths

The poem effectively conveys the protagonist's emotional exhaustion, particularly in lines like 'She's burnt out, eyes heavy, she's done with the world.'
There is a poignant depiction of unreciprocated friendship and emotional labor in 'Overworking for girls who barely notice you.'
The poem captures the theme of invisibility and the facade of normalcy, as seen in 'No one is looking. As always, that's the truth.'

Areas for Improvement

The poem lacks a consistent meter and rhyme scheme, which can make it feel disjointed at times, such as in the transition from 'Day 1, in class...' to 'Day 2, music blasts...'.
Repetition of certain ideas, like the protagonist's isolation, without further development can make parts of the poem feel redundant.

Imagery

The poem uses vivid imagery to convey the protagonist's emotional state, such as 'tears fall like water from a spout,' which effectively visualizes sudden and uncontrollable emotion. However, the imagery is often literal and could benefit from more metaphorical language to deepen the emotional impact. The use of 'machine that beep for my heart' starkly illustrates the protagonist's physical decline, adding to the poem's somber tone.

Structure

The poem is structured in free verse with irregular line lengths and no consistent rhyme scheme, which reflects the chaotic and unstable emotional state of the protagonist. While this choice can enhance the theme of disorder, it also leads to a lack of cohesion in the poem's flow. The stanza breaks generally correspond to shifts in time or focus, such as moving from 'Day 1' to 'Day 2,' which helps to organize the narrative.

Language & Craft

The diction is straightforward and conversational, which makes the poem accessible but sometimes limits its poetic depth. The tone is somber and introspective, effectively conveying the protagonist's despair. There is some use of alliteration, such as 'begging and fidgeting,' which adds a rhythmic quality to the reading. However, the poem could benefit from more varied linguistic techniques to enhance its emotional resonance.

Emotional Impact

The poem's emotional impact is significant, as it deals with themes of loneliness, mental health, and the desire for recognition and support. The rawness of the protagonist's feelings, particularly in lines like 'I want a second chance, let me live, like all the others. Equals,' resonates with readers who may have experienced similar struggles. However, the emotional depth could be further enhanced with more nuanced exploration of the protagonist's inner world.

Generated by Openai (gpt-4o) on Oct 08, 2026 13:47

Comments 1

Daniel Poland 3 days, 20 hours ago

You have a beautiful almost lyrical flow. I think I understood the quiet part of your message more than the loud, if that makes sense. Thank you for sharing that.

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