Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

Contemporary / Modern Poetry Human Written by Marie Bare · Oct 09, 2026

My pink, almost velvet pajamas that I haven’t washed in two weeks.
My different-shaded blue comb that I’ve used to scratch my wrists.
My dirty clothes from the past two weeks.
My trash can that hasn’t been taken out in two weeks.
My lotions sitting in the sink that hasn’t been used in two weeks.

My own tears falling down my cheeks.
My soon-to-be invisible scars on my wrists.
My wound on my right leg from scratching it.
My heart breaking out from my rib cage.

My cries and hyperventilating coming from my eyes and mouth.
My blue comb scratching my inner wrists.
My nails digging into my left leg.

My washed hair from doing a slick-back for four days so no one would see the empty patches.
My toothpaste sitting on the sink.

The salty taste from my tears falling down onto the floor.

About This Poem

Panic attacks. The way you bring yourself back onto the ground, after feeling like you levitated, but yet somehow simultaneously being squished by and unbearable force.

How did this poem make you feel?

Community Score

8.0

out of 10

1 vote

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Poem Analysis

This analysis is provided as optional literary feedback. Community voting remains the primary ranking method.

Analysis Available

This poem presents a raw and intimate portrayal of personal distress and neglect, utilizing vivid imagery and repetition to convey a sense of stagnation and emotional turmoil. While the poem effectively captures a mood of desolation, its repetitive structure may limit its emotional depth and complexity.

Strengths

The poem uses vivid and tactile imagery, such as 'pink, almost velvet pajamas' and 'salty taste from my tears,' to create a strong sensory experience.
Repetition of time frames ('two weeks') effectively conveys a sense of stagnation and neglect.
The poem's raw honesty, as seen in 'My heart breaking out from my rib cage,' creates an immediate emotional connection.

Areas for Improvement

The repetition of similar phrases, such as 'My dirty clothes from the past two weeks' and 'My trash can that hasn’t been taken out in two weeks,' can feel redundant and limit the poem's emotional progression.
The poem lacks a clear structural development, which could enhance the narrative and emotional journey of the speaker.

Imagery

The poem's imagery is grounded in the mundane and personal, creating a stark contrast between the ordinary objects and the speaker's emotional state. The 'pink, almost velvet pajamas' and 'different-shaded blue comb' evoke a sense of familiarity and comfort turned sour. The use of physical sensations, like 'salty taste from my tears,' adds a visceral quality to the emotional experience. However, the imagery tends to focus heavily on the theme of neglect, which can feel repetitive without further exploration or variation.

Structure

The poem lacks a formal structure, opting instead for free verse with a focus on repetition. The repetition of 'My' at the beginning of many lines creates a rhythmic but somewhat monotonous pattern. The absence of stanzas or clear breaks may reflect the speaker's continuous emotional state but also limits the poem's dynamic range. The lack of a clear rhyme scheme or meter contributes to the sense of disarray and emotional chaos.

Language & Craft

The diction is straightforward and unadorned, which suits the poem's confessional tone. The use of first-person possessive pronouns ('My') emphasizes the personal nature of the distress. There is limited use of literary devices such as alliteration or assonance, which could have added musicality or emphasis to certain lines. The language is effective in conveying a raw emotional state but lacks the complexity that could deepen the reader's engagement.

Emotional Impact

The poem effectively communicates a sense of personal neglect and emotional turmoil, resonating with readers who may relate to feelings of stagnation and despair. However, the emotional impact is somewhat diminished by the repetitive structure and lack of narrative progression, which could have provided a more profound exploration of the speaker's experience.